---
layout: post
title: Reflexive non-binary pronouns
date: 2021-09-24
category: language
---
Pronouns! Aren't they fun? Turns out they are not as straightforward
as I thought. Today, I took a quick poll of people in the `#nonbinary` channel
from the [LGBTQ in Tech Slack](https://lgbtq.technology){:class="external-link" target="\_blank"} to find out what is more popular: "themself" or "themselves"? The results surprised
me.
## The data
I asked in the channel:
> Quick poll for people who use they/them pronouns. For reflexive pronoun do you use:
>
1️⃣ themselves
>
2️⃣ themself
> {:class="normal-quote"}
Of the 23 that participated, 20 selected "2️⃣ themself," and only 2 picked
"️1️⃣ themselves." The last person suggested "theirself," which at the time of
writing was not part of [Pronoun Island](https://pronoun.is){:class="external-link" target="\_blank"} (maybe an opportunity for someone to [contribute](https://github.com/witch-house/pronoun.is/issues){:target="\_blank"}?)
I was expecting more people to prefer "themselves" because I more commonly
hear "they are" instead of "they is," and I thought "themselves" would be more
consistent. Hmmm! 🧐
(By the way, this sample is not representative. This was a very unscientific study.)
## Themself or themselves?
Lots of [other people](https://www.thesaurus.com/e/grammar/they-is-a-singular-pronoun){:target="\_blank"} have written about this before, even the [Canadian Department of Justice](https://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/rp-pr/csj-sjc/legis-redact/legistics/p1p30.html){:class="external-link" target="\_blank"}.
I have had trouble checking many of the non-academic resources I've found for consistency.
For example, the Canadian DoJ site [updated 2020-06-01, accessed 2021-09-24] says
"The current _Oxford English Dictionary_ (OED) Online does not have an entry for
themself;" which is **not true**!
### someone is wrong on the internet
I checked the OED myself, and I found
[this usage category](https://www.oed.com/view/Entry/334443#eid1291513750){:class="external-link" target="\_blank"} for what I will call "gender unspecified":
> **themself**, _pron_.
>
2. In anaphoric reference to a **singular** pronoun or noun.
>
b. With a generic or indefinite antecedent referring to an individual (e.g. a person, someone, the patient), used esp. so as to make a general reference to such an **individual without specifying gender.**
> {:class="normal-quote"}
The examples date from 1463 to 2009. The contemporary example is a publication
noting Facebook's [historical usage of gender neutral "themself"](https://theweek.com/articles/451426/evolution-facebooks-pronoun-problem){:class="external-link" target="\_blank"} prior to
introducing a gender-based pronoun sytem. (Now, Facebook correctly asks pronouns
separately from gender.)
Okay, so that works for "gender unspecified," but what about "genderqueer" or
gender non-conforming? Well, there is [another usage category](https://www.oed.com/view/Entry/334443#eid1291513780){:class="external-link" target="\_blank"} for that:
> 2c. Used to refer to a person whose sense of personal **identity does not correspond to conventional sex and gender distinctions**, and who has typically asked to be referred to by the pronouns they, them, etc.
> {:class="normal-quote"}
So the difference here is instead of "we don't know their gender," the case is
"this person goes by _they_." The examples cited on this category are much more
contemporary than the ones for "gender unspecified," dating back only to 2011.
To me, this indicates that there has long been a grammatical precedent for
_themself_ meaning "gender unspecified," but people explicitly identifying as
gender non-conforming and communicating _in English_ about themselves with
they-based pronouns is _relatively_ new.
### words are hard
Now if we take a look at the [entry for _themselves_](https://www.oed.com/view/Entry/200324?#eid1292523640){:class="external-link" target="\_blank"}
in the OED, its usage categories have a little more varied history. The singular
reflexive, usage ("they love themselves") dates back to 1529 in the
["gender unspecified" sense](https://www.oed.com/view/Entry/200324?#eid1291693070){:class="external-link" :target="\_blank"}. However, the ["genderqueer" sense](https://www.oed.com/view/Entry/200324?#eid1291693480){:class="external-link" :target="\_blank"}
only dates back to 2009.
There is [another meaning](https://www.oed.com/view/Entry/200324?#eid1292523640)
for _themselves_ called _emphatic_, as in "the person themselves."
For "gender unspecified" this goes back to 1782, but again for
"genderqueer" it's very recent: 2019.
> **themselves**, _pron_.
>
1. Emphatic uses.
>
b. Used in apposition to a **singular** noun or pronoun (e.g. the person themselves), typically to **avoid specifying** the gender of the individual being referred to; Later also: used in apposition to a proper noun or pronoun referring to a person whose sense of personal **identity does not correspond to conventional sex and gender distinctions**.
> {:class="normal-quote"}
### so what's it gonna be?
Ultimately, I think _themself_ wins here. The word is:
- More natural in the "gender unspecified" sense
- More popular in the contemporary "genderqueer" sense
- More easily distinguished from the plural "themselves" in all senses of the word
_Themselves_ is slightly older on the Internet for queer people than _themself_,
but we're literally comparing a 2011 [university newsletter](https://dailybruin.com/about){:class="external-link" target="\_blank"}
article with a 2009 Twitter post, so I don't give that much weight.
## Themself or theirself?
I like the grammatical consistency of "theirself," but I hadn't heard of it
before asking my poll. Unfortunately, the
[_Oxford Engish Dictonary_ entry for "theirself"](https://www.oed.com/view/Entry/362903){:class="external-link" target="\_blank"}
as of 2021 is behind a paywall. If you could access the page—maybe [using your public library card](https://public.oed.com/help/){:class="external-link" target="\_blank"}—you would see that the singular, reflexive, "gender unspecified" usage goes back to 1819.
However, there is curiously **no usage category for "theirself" in the
"genderqueer" sense.** Quick, someone make a Tumblr post!
So I decided to look at the [Google Books Ngram Viewer](https://books.google.com/ngrams/info){:class="external-link" target="\_blank"}
to see how usage of these words in their corpus of books has changed with time.
See for yourself:
[source](https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=themself%2Ctheirself&year_start=1800&year_end=2019&corpus=26&smoothing=3&direct_url=t1%3B%2Cthemself%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Ctheirself%3B%2Cc0){: class="external-link" target="\_blank"}
{: class="figure-caption"}
_Themself_ seems to be significantly more popular today than _theirself_.
_Theirself_ seems to have peaked in 2002, although it's starting to rise again
as of 2018.
## tl;dr
I took the liberty of summarizing all the findings above into a table:
| Reflexive pronoun | "gender unspecified" | "genderqueer" | Popular queer usage |
| ----------------- | -------------------- | ------------- | ------------------- |
| themself | 1463 | 2011 | a lot |
| themselves | 1529 | 2009 | some |
| theirself | 1819 | -- | a little |
Oldest OED-cited usages and popular queer usage for singular, reflexive usage
{:class="figure-caption"}
After all this "research" and following the discussion in the Slack channel
where I made my poll, I came to the following conclusions:
- Language is hard; it's okay to be wrong.
- "Themself" is more common than "theirself."
- If you're queer, do what sounds best for you.
- If you're referring to someone else, ask them.
- _Maybe_ default to "themself" if you're not sure.
- As always with this sort of thing, [let people choose](https://github.com/witch-house/pronoun.is/issues/46){:class="external-link" target="\_blank"}.
Soo... what will I try out for myself? Honestly, I'll probably go back and forth.
via GIPHY